The Reality

This blog has focused mainly on Avery and bringing her home from Haiti. It was a way that I could feel like some sort of progress was being made when our adoption stood still for 2 years. Posting updated photos we occassionally received from her orphanage, or posting the smallest tidbit of news, made all the difference when we continued to wait and wait.

Suddenly, she literally flew into our world without but a weeks warning after the earthquake hit Haiti. Everything was a whirlwind, and to some extent continues to be. And, through that chaos the boys have remained calm, loving and my rocks. They accepted Avery as their sister from the moment she stepped her little toe into our home. I expected some sort of reaction like "she doesn't seem like our sister" or "we just met her, so how can she be our sister?" but we never got any of that. And, much to my surprise, we continually heard "I love Avery" and "Avery is the cutest little girl in the world!" Now, that time has passed, and she has found ways to press their buttons, I am not hearing those statements as often, but the love that is there is stronger than I imagined it to be at this point.

Adopting has not been easy. Accepting a stranger (I had only met Avery once for 3 days and Mike never) as our own was definitely something neither of us had ever experienced before. The love was different than it was (as expected) after giving birth to our boys, and we both struggled (or still struggle) with how it felt or feels "different." I think we were both caught off guard about how we felt once Avery was here, and we felt overwhelmed with all that had changed in our family. Adopting is not easy and admitting that is not easy either, it's hard to do. Sometimes I feel like people are thinking "Well...you're the ones that signed up for this!" and therefore we might be reluctant to express the reality of adoption. I am sure it's easier for some families than others, but I will venture to say that all families go through adjustments they couldn't predict until they were in the midst of the experience.

As the months have passed, Avery has become a part of our family. Are we still adjusting? Yes, of course. It's like when you bring a new born baby home and all you picture are cuddles, cooing and cute baby booties. And, no one talks about how you feel when you're sleep deprived, when your baby is screaming for hours on end, and how much your lives will be completely changed forever. Same thing goes for adoption. There have been days, where I think "did we do the right thing?" It was so easy before as a family of four. Having a toddler arrive unexpectedly from a third world country, who doesn't speak any language, requires lots of extra attention, takes a ton of patience (still working on that!) is very overwhelming.

Anyway, not really sure where I am going with this post....but one thing I do know is how the children, our children, have come through this experience seemingly unscathed. All three...Avery, Caden, and Preston. Have they had to make adjustments, had lows/highs, argued and cried? Yes. But overall, the three of them relate to one another as if they had have been siblings for years. The boys never go to bed without first going to Avery's room and kissing her goodnight. If Avery looks sad, they are not going to rest without asking her what's wrong. Big brother Caden likes to protect her, and Preston likes to tell on her....typical sibling stuff.

I guess it's just so interesting to watch their relationship grow and learn from how well children adapt to new situations. I find myself easily stressed out and distracted by the little things, over analyzing everything, when really I should take a deep breath and just look at those 3 beautiful faces and know that everything is just as it should be.