Addition: Oh yeah, and I forgot to add...Why are other third world countries able to process adoptions so efficiently, even though they face a lot of the same issues Haitians do? For example, Ethiopia and Ghana? Adopting from these countries can take as little as a few months after time of referral. It's something I have always wondered, but again, haven't really gotten an answer to. There is obvioulsy a major difference in the manner in which the countries process all the paperwork, and I am just curious what it is. It is sad because many families (who would be wonderful, loving families) will not adopt from Haiti because of the unbearable process...and even though we are choosing to endure, right now I can't really blame them.
Okay, I am just plain confused as to why adoptions (espeically adoptions as of lately) in Haiti take so long. I have asked numerous people this question before, and I am still just as confused, after hearing all their answers. I always get the answer that goes something like this, "It's just Haiti...or that's just the way things run in Haiti."
We have been in IBESR since September which is really not that long in comparison to some other families. We have sent in all the appropriate documents, paid almost all the money required to complete our adoption, been re-fingerprinted right on time, and still our file is collecting dust somewhere in a pile. It is so frustrating when we have done everything correctly, on time as asked, but right now I feel like we are being strung along on a neverending ride with little hope for an ending . I almost feel foolish for even believing our adoption will ever be completed. I feel foolish for buying Avery cute little outfits and painting her room. Lately, friends have been asking, "So, is your little girl coming home soon?" And I tell them, we are no closer now than we were last summer. They of course look puzzled and I just say, "Don't ask me why...because I just don't know."
I just don't understand why my age (being one year too young according to Haitian Law) or having two biological boys is slowing us down. Would they rather Avery have no siblings to play with and love her? And what really does one year difference make in my age?
Ughh....we are just so at a loss for words right now, and I have tried so hard to go with the flow and be patient. But, enough is enough already. Why can't our little girl just come home? Why?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Confused
Posted by Tracy at 2:46 PM
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11 comments:
I am so sorry ... We have been in IBESR since last July and no one seems to be able to explain to us either what is holding our file up - not just ours, but everyone's. As far as I can tell, it seems as though the new director is simply not signing. Why?? And isn't there someone higher up who can assert authority and make things start moving again?? Praying for a miracle for us all, very soon ...
I echo your sentiments, but unfortunately don't have any answers either. We've had our dossier in Haiti for 3 years and have been in IBESR for 14 months... so I totally relate to the sense of hopelessness. Keep hanging in there and praying...
Hoping. I seem to be at the long end of each stage two. Mine dossier has been in country 23 mo next week and we are waiting for second legal.
I think one thing that might help you understand the "this is Haiti" responses would be to read different things on Haiti. (I don't mean that in a condescending way so please don't take it that way.) I think if you can kind of get a grip on they way things work in Haiti in all areas (heath care, government, etc.) it helps to understand the adoption processes and lack of progress. (At least it has seemed to help me, but I'm a researcher by nature and not everyone is that way.) The Rainy Season, Song of Haiti, and Angels of a Lower Flight are all books I would recommend. Also, google Real Hope for Haiti and read their blog. And the Livesay family in Haiti has a great blog going. These two blogs have given me great insight into it as they deal with the difficulty of Haitian living daily.
One thing I think that I have learned is that many Haitians are in survival mode; they are so consumed by surviving life that they have difficulty doing something that would benefit someone else, especially if there is not something in it for them. I don't mean that as a negative, just that people who struggle or have struggled in the past through government coups, violent riots, near starvation, and natural disasters can lose sight of the big pictures and just get focused on getting by. Government officials, though wealthy in comparision to the average Haitian, are not immune to this.
None of that helps with giving an answer to those who ask...but it might help you better accept the lack of progress. (Wishful thinking, I'm sure!) If nothing else, it always makes me thankful to live in a country where generally speaking, injustices are made public and something can usually be done about it. Know you are not alone in wishing things were more efficient or faster or fair.
I am so sorry that you haven't gotten good news yet. Besides missing our boys, the hardest part about the LONG process was answering the darn question "Have you heard anything?" during our 11 month Parquet stay, not to mention the other months while we were in the other stages. I would sometimes just dread going to church or wherever b/c I would get that question at least about 10 times each time I went. EACH week!! Oh, it would drive me crazy, although i know people just cared and wanted to stay updated. I think some people problably thought we were crazy for thinking it would really happen. That was hard too...having people doubt you.
You have to believe that God will finish this work He completed. It's the stinkiest, longest, hardest thing to wait for...YOUR LITTLE GIRL!!...but please trust that it WILL happen and when she gets home in your arms you will forget about this horrible wait. Almost. :)
I found myself posting about something similar today. We've only been at this for 18 months and I know it's no consolation, but you're not alone.
We're all powerless to do anything but wait. I hate that feeling.
This is one of those rare times in life where you find yourself afraid to be the "squeaky wheel" because of all the horror stories we've all been told about files getting suspiciously "lost" after adoptive parents push for answers or action.
And it's not right and it's not fair and it completely sucks and all we can do is try to keep our heads up and be grateful that someday they'll be home.
Yes, I understand! Yesterday, at church, it felt like a billion people asked me the dreaded question: Heard anything yet?
They care, but it's heart wrenching!
I even got a new question yesterday? Well, since he's getting older, can you trade your referral? (now they KNOW our desire was for a baby, but of COURSE we wouldn't trade now...he's in our HEARTS) but they meant well...
Oi.
It's hard, girl. It's hard.
I've heard one of the pre-dominant reasons is that in Haiti, they do well to care about their own families well-being, much less ours. And if your faith comes into play in answering this question, as mine does, the bottom line would be sin. Sin causes the domino effect that trickles down and affects us, and apart from God's grace, we would be in the thick of it.
**sigh**
I do understand.
I'm so sorry, it's really hard, I totally understand. Our stay in IBESR was 9 months. I could'nt imagine it being longer. I was so depressed.
As for those other countrys, well, they are relatively new programs. I think Haiti used to be a much quicker process. child trafficing and other things slow down processes and even stop them all together as they add new "rules". It has happened to many country programs.
I know that this doesn't make the waiting any easier. We are quickly approaching 2 years for a process I nievely thought would be about a year...
Oh Tracy, I am so right there with you....there are some days when I try not to even think of IBESR, Haiti, or even my precious daughter....but I have not ever once been successful in putting it out of my mind. There is no distraction that can take away the pain or confusion I have about this process completely. It breaks my heart, every day. I am praying for you and your little Avery, every day. Praying that our news will finally come, and our hearts will be comforted one day for all the time we have lost. FYI, I was told today that her birthmom is missing again...sigh. Please pray for that too....If I can I will post it on my blog later.
Be joyful in hop, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. - Romans 12:12
One day all of this waiting will be worth it. I am praying that you can endure the wait...
It is so hard, but sometimes in our darkest hours of the waiting, our good news is just around the corner. Hang in there
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